Waiting

It's always waiting

Waiting for the right guy

Waiting for your parents to actually show up

Not being 'only 5 minutes away'

Waiting for 'real' friends

But it's no use because they all end

You always get manipulated

It's the same thing over and over again

You keep telling yourself 'the perfect one will come if I just wait'

So you do

Everything keeps falling apart

You become distant

And starts enjoying the little sharp pin you use to slice your skin

But you keep telling yourself 'wait a little more'

So you wait

You wait to move out

You wait to be independent

You wait to be free

But then you slowly realize waiting is not easy 

You're in your room with headphones

Hoping the loud music will block out the shouting and yelling

Block out all the messed up things around you

You wait

You wait and you wait and you wait but again it's no use

So you stop

You realize waiting is useless, so you stop

The feel of stopping, the feel of the knife slitting your throat

It's exhilarating

And then everything goes black 

Not wanting to go back