A walk through my life

A life with depression Is not what you see, It's not just slit wrists and pills Like they show on TV... It's being alone In a large crowd, It's the voice in your head Screaming out loud... It's living a life That you wait to begin, It's like serving the penance For someone else's sin... It's having to live with pain and resentment It's living a life of discontentment, It's hoping today is not like the last It's having to constantly relive your past... It's constant reminders of how others hurt you It's feel like your life is nothing of value, It's a constant struggle inside of your head It's sometimes wondering, am I better off dead? It's wearing a mask To hide all the anger, It's like you've been living Your life with a stranger... The problem is this stranger is buried inside You try to escape it but there's nowhere to hide, So you pretend that your life is just great But inside you know that it's full of self hate... You hate the person that you've become The hate is so strong it makes you feel numb, You hate that you feel like a burden to others Your escape is your bed hiding under the covers... There you feel safe like a fortress of solitude But then you feel guilty and it worsens your mood, Guilty for letting the day slip on by Guilty for not even having the strength to try... So you try the next day and put up your walls Hoping that today isn't the day that you fall, You watch every step and watch everyone Searching for the person with the proverbial gun... But there's something more, this much is true There's beauty in darkness and inside of you, Some of the greatest minds lived with this condition They too felt like their life was in constant perdition... Music and literature are all forms of art Bred from the darkness and poured from their heart, Van Gogh, Dickenson, and Hemingway All Brilliant minds who struggled everyday... Their works are inspiring and let you escape The more that you read them the more you relate Words are like medicine or so it's been said They speak to your soul and silence your head... While living this life with my depression It's taught me that it holds a valuable lesson, It's taught me that darkness brings a new light It's taught me that I do have the strength to fight... Just like a Phoenix out of the ashes I'll rise I can spread my wings and soar through the skies, It might take some time for things to be better Until then I'll continue to wear this scarlet letter... For this letter I wear is a beacon to others It's a symbol that we are all sisters and brothers, Together we can fight and although it feels strange Together we can fight and be the change!!!