A War Over Colors

<p>Great poem and message :) I like the comparison with crayons -- genius!</p>

This poem is amazing! Gives a great perspective on racism and it has great imagery, it also is very inspiring and moving!

Hmhm? Is this a villanelle poem I see? Anyhow, I like the structure and repetition Flow is decent but imagery soso. You use crayons and that's concrete but you only use them for their colors; you don't mention them for anything else--meaning it's a shallow analogy.

I like the messege

I would suggest sticking to one rhyme scheme, your rhymes are not completely uniform...if anything you don't have to rhyme.

Like crayons are only colors our skin is too --I am stumped here. I don't understand your analogy. I mean I think I get it, but you aren't clear here. Crayons are more than just colors, they are wax (pig fat I think) and paper and they are completely colored. Our skin has a color but there is more to that, it;s a shield, layers that protect and keep our insides together, they are millions of tiny cells working together to create a a sheet around us. It has our story embeded into it. (hey Inspired myself, haha, always happens) what I like personality gets you through (you mean kindness?) That being judgmental is wrong, not right,-- little jewels you've got in there:) And over the years this problem grew So together as one we must unite, to stop this war, this feud, this fight, ----a little rhyme in there? do you want to rewrite and make the whole thing in match with this? We should all be equal shades to the human sight---I just like this for some reason I think it's the shades and in sights, alliteration:) because fighting over colors is a destructive thing to do. ---good, a little overused, however it's clear. because racism is darkness and we must see the light----hmm, intersting. see rascist people think black people are the dark and white people are the light, the clean ones, the higher up and holy ones. maybe you can expand on this, explain what you mean by light. This has a lot of pontetial, I see you have a lot of ideas, I think you might want to use more power words or give it a rhythm spin to give it the voice. I struggle with hearing it loud, if you know what I mean. there's a little bit, but in a suttle way. Best of luck! are you perhaps a song writer?