"War of the Words" or "Pronunciation Punch-out"

"Good morrow, my dear fellow.

What is that you're eating?

Is it soup and Rah-men noodles?

Speak now. Time is fleeting."

You see there, my dear fellow,

It's Ray-men, I must plead.

To say your words correctly,

Some new lessons you might need."

"Now that is just offensive.

No judging is my motto.

I'll just sit and eat my sandwich,

Bacon, lettuce, and to-mah-to."

"I cannot let this drop now,

For this is just absurd.

It's pronunced to-may-to.

Can you say right just one word?"

"If you insist to dis my di'logue,

Listen close and hear.

I might just throw my sandwich at you

While you're standing near."

"But if you threw your sandwich,

Then I would throw my soup.

I wouldn't mind it ee-ther,

Though we'd be a messy group."

"Now it's my turn to impugn you,

Your pronunciation's wrong!

You know you should say eye-ther,

Or we shall not get along."

"For your sauciness I spurn you,

I throw my soup right at your face!

Here's some noodles to enjoy too.

How's that feel, you big disgrace?"

"Eat a whole wheat sandwich,

BLT and all!

You might want to clean up later,

But hey, that's just your call."

"Well, now we're both in trouble.

I suppose we've been quite foolish.

Would you like this baked po-tah-to?

I also have a few fish."

"That's a kind and gen'rous offer,

Though I feel I must point out,

It is pronounced po-tay-to,

But I'll still take some trout."