Was and Now

I remember waking up to new seasons,  

Playing in the rain or snow.                                

I remember feeling complete,                    

Nothing to complain about,                        

My life was like a fantasy,                          

With toys and loving parents.                     

As I got older,

I now realize it was all a lie.

A ruse to give me a better childhood.

From days, to weeks, to months,

I thought it would get better,

But only got worse.

I applied to colleges,

Started working, to try to get my mind away.

Endless nights filled with worry and tears.

The man I call father has fallen off the deep end again.

I try to not let it get to me,

my heart is tired and hurts.

I was so scared to open my heart,

He said he was okay now,

I didn’t know if I believed him

Is there nothing to be scared of anymore?