Was It Destiny ?

 Dear Nathaniel,

Distance came upon as if drifting apart was a new chapter in our lives.

Knowing each other wasn’t something that we knew about.

Seeing each other was just a first time moment.

Noticing that it would only hurt me, but won’t hurt you because in your heart I’m careless.

I remember the times you annoyed me.

Stealing my belongings and having me run after you was a way of telling me, you wanted to get to know me.

It made me realize this was the best friend I ever had.

Making fun of me to the point you called me “pretty” made me believe I was but made me sad because it came only from your mouth. It made me feel special, on the other hand, made me apprehend that I only saw you as one of the girls.

Having butterflies in my stomach was just a myth to me, but to you, it was something more that I couldn’t understand.

When we locked eyes you saw something in me, yet I saw you as just a boy.

FOOLISH.  

You told me you liked me.

I was too young.

I was clueless.

It wasn’t obvious that such a troublesome and attractive 7th grader could “like” me.

Until your face went glumly.

Until your hugs weren’t sweet like sugar.

Until the only word you muttered was the best friend out of your dark chocolate mouth. Until I realized I was the enemy.

I was the Joker.  

You were Batman.

Walking into Tabernacle Baptist Congregation your face came to my mind.

How sweet it would be to look at it every day.

To see you admiring me, but only to wonder that maybe we weren’t at last.

We weren’t like Cinderella and Prince Charming or all the other romantic couples that have been together for a good amount of time.

Maybe it was supposed to be like this.

Maybe I'm not supposed to speak to you.

Huh?

Answer me, please ?

Maybe you weren't supposed to leave.

Why did you leave me?
We were supposed to be happy together.
Why? Why? Why?
Why didn’t you give me a sign?

Goddammit.  
Why was I so young and dumb?

We could have been young and in love.

Distance is a pain to me.

You're no longer here.

I don’t like it.

I'm furious.

Enrage.

Confused.

The void is still there.

Correction, our void is still there.

It hovers over us like a cloud and it stays there.

Stays there.

Stays there.  

To rot and shatter into a million pieces because I screwed myself over. I didn’t even know what a brilliant guy was telling me “I Love You”, but to me, it seemed bizarre.

My wretched self-didn’t want to hear the crap people had to say to me that “he likes you”.

Why did I let go?
Why didn’t I give you a chance?

You haunt my soul.

It’s good and evil.

Can you hear me?

I want you to hear me.

Are you listening?
I hope you are.  

Please come back to me.

I want your hugs.

I want you to chase after me.

I want to chase after you.

I wonder how you’re doing.

I wonder if you miss me.

I wonder if you care.

You don’t.

You never will.

Space happens.

It’s not fair.

It still isn’t.

Wishing on a star to repeat the past, however, you being gone will terrify me.

Will I ever rekindle the moment that we had?

Maybe.

Somewhat.

Yes.

No.

Praying for it.

My hate for you is upon myself.

I should've known.

You kept quiet.

Maybe it was meant to be, but I'll never know.

Our story will live on, but only to realize that distance ruined us.

Only to know our cloud above our heads meant to love, at first sight, was just a fairytale in confusion.