wasn’t expecting that

maybe it feels like

looking down at the rope that holds you

and realizing it's only made of thread.

if she loved me,

why would she choose this?

past tense already.

and maybe she was only ever meant to be a lesson

that i can be loved and cherished 

(more than i ever used to be)

still.

that "yes" felt like a dividing crack.

and every "it's in the other state"

felt more like a "why are you in the way?"

i just keep thinking that i would never do that to her. would never want that for us.

and knowing exactly how it's going to turn out

but having to wait for slow pain to begin, then grow into a roar

too loud to be ignored 

is the most painful part of all.