Waves

So there I was, sitting on the cold empty bedroom floor. Holding the metal against my skin, debating if I should do it. If the one moment of relief is worth it. I sat there, holding my head in my hands as tears ran down my face. I didn't talk to anyone, my thoughts consumed whatever is left of me. I didn't talk to anyone, my thoughts filled the room louder than any voice ever could. And I just sat there not moving not choosing. I took a deep breath hoping it would calm me down. Instead, more tears rolled down my face. I didn't reach out to someone, because I knew it was just another temporary wave of 'one more time' And that by the time they would answer, the feelings would have passed. So I sat there, on the cold empty bedroom floor, waiting for the wave to pass. I didn't try to stop the wave. I let it be. Because the wave needs space too. And because I also need to feel it too. I sat on the cold floor, until I was okay to stand up again. I put the metal away, thankful I didn't use it.