as the waves crash around

as the waves crash around me and the storm threatens to steal my breath i catch myself looking for you . because even though you have been gone for more than a year you have always been the thing to ground me when i start to lose myself to the sea . and it seems that the world is having a laugh because the one time i dont spot you out the corner of my eye i dont welcome the waves to sweep me off my feet . you are not there to save me from myself and for the first time in a long time . i am scared