The Way I Am Now

To be honest I don’t know who I am, Or where I’m going, Or what I want to do For the rest of my life. I get scared too easily, And stress too much And overthink the simplest of things And worry About every. Freaking. Thing. I know who I was This time last year. But the years and days and minutes after Are all a blur Of the life I had imagined to live. Maybe I want to go back- Reverse time and be who I was Before all this happened And before all the pain and the sadness Consumed my very being. Maybe I want to go back To last year When all the suffering and torture Swelled up inside my soul And made me regret those things I did. Maybe I want to go back To this time last year When I was vulnerable But I was growing strong In who I believed myself to be. And maybe I don’t want to go back. Maybe I want to stay in the present. Maybe I’m so happy with who I’ve become That I’ve forgotten all the pain And the sadness, and the suffering. To be who I am now Is the hardest decision in my life. The sadness I’ve known for so long Is leaving And I’ve never felt so lost. But the me I am now Is free From the chains that suffocated me And the self-inflicted torture And the mocking and the ridicule. And maybe I don’t want to go back. Maybe I’m happy the way I am now. And so what if I’m lost? In this lost-ness, I’ve never felt so Found.