The Weight of Despair

The voice in my head
tempting me to stay in bed,
Just lying there,
Lost in empty air.

But when I awake,
I cannot shake
This feeling to make
Those red marks
On my dusky skin
With the sharp pin.

I know its wrong
And unhealthy,
"I listen to this song"
That breaks me deep within,
"Telling me not commit such sin"

I can't with all this,
But this weight, a twisted bliss,
A silence I can’t dismiss-
Just all bottled up in my head
waiting to be found dead.

I wake up with no purpose
And look at pictures with black rose
My vision's all fuzzy and blurred,
and i feel unheard.

Should i do it again?
This time, cuts remain deeper,
Perhaps a sharper tool for pain.
I drown in tides of my own making,
Waves pulling me under.

And i question: "Am i still living?"
I dream of vanishing,
Fleeting glimpses of another life, 
Where joy once danced, free of strife, 
A shadow of hope that slips away, 
Yet I yearn for it to stay."

I remember slightly,
Not vivid memories,
"Where i was happy",
Living in a state of serenities.

But where is that lost hope
All these emotions i can't cope
A question, echoing in silence,
Waiting for an answer I'll never hear.
Yet I hold onto the faintest light,
Hoping it might draw near.