weight of words

I used to look fat, but thanks to my parents-I lost my weight.

But, not the weight that overflew through mind and made me hate myself the most.

Hate myself that I didn't even lose weight-the right way...

I lost it by losing it-losing my mind.

Parents telling me to eat smaller portions, which only led me to even smaller portions.

Parents telling me to go outside and exercise, which led me to fainting for eating those small portions.

Parents telling me to eat bigger portions to re-gain my weight, which led them to speaking to me about "dropping a few pounds".

Parents telling me that I need to look decent FOR them, which led me to ambiguous thoughts.

Thoughts that no 16 year old girl should think.

Thoughts that no girl OR boy should think.

Thoughts that no one should think.

Because at the end of the day, I hated myself more.

But, what I hated the most is the look of my parents face when they called me fat.

But, what was even worse was when I looked at the mirror and realized I only lost myself.