Were You Ever Here?

Did you stare out the kitchen window
On that dull autumn evening
As I hung the noose delicately
Between the ancient branches of the sycamore tree

Were you standing in the corner
In the dimly lit one bedroom apartment
As I lined the pills up one by one
Each one subtracting a year from my life

When I held the gun to my head
Finger fumbling on the anticipating trigger
Where were you standing?
Were you surprised at my cowardice?

Are you here right now
Right now as I write
A final note to my family
To my fretting dear wife
To my son with doting features
And my daughter with auburn hair

Tell me God, while you can
Were you ever here?