What Am I Without Love?

Love.

The thing that I want and fear the most.

The thing that I want, that I fear, and that I could never get enough of.

But yet, I don’t want my heart to break.

Many people find love, some could only dream.

I like the type that comes with a kiss on the cheek.

The type that is young, wild, and free.

It’s in the movies young women want to see.

Like a train that never ends you have to jump to get off.

Everyone just want to feel loved.

As a little girl, she grows up hearing she is “beautiful”.

Later she doesn’t think that she is pretty enough,

Because every other guy just likes boobs and a butt.

But she soon falls down the never-ending spiral of long nights loving and smiling

It’s her very own version of a fairytale.

But that’s the type, people only dream of, right?

But what about that little girl that doesn’t have a mother or a farther.

She herself grows up thinking,

“What is love”?

“Is someone capable of loving me”?

All she wants is her lover to kiss thy hand and kiss thy cheek.

Even if it ends in a tragedy.

Not all love is bred to be never ending nights.

It also has a dark side.

Love is a powerful word, yet people throw it around like it’s nothing.

They don’t understand that some people… some may never get loved.

Some throw it away.

As if they could have love every other day.

Some love gets lost, not because of a broken bone or a simple little heart ache.

But because of the deep-rooted pain and hurt, 

The anxiety, smashed picture frames, and smell of their shirts.

Love is sorry excuses.

Some people are just done when they give up.

They’re done with people, they’re done with trust. 

The emotion, the guilt, the never-ending questions. 

Will the wound close?

Years go by and the once passionate love turns into hate.

How will I ever love them?

If I am incapable of loving MYSELF.

But then again…

What am I without love?