What do I do?

I have given you everything.

Now I feel as if everything that I have given you

Is being thrown away.

I can’t stay upset with you.

I smile no matter what.

Which upsets me more

Because it means that you determine my happiness.

So when you leave

Where will I be?

Back to square one.

Alone and empty.

Attempting to end my life early.

Contemplating how easy it would be.

But I don’t want that.

I want to be free.

I want to be me and be able to be alone.

I think of losing you and I cry.

I hate how much I care about you.

It’s as if I am giving you the ability to break me.

Which shouldn’t be.

I’m starting to believe that we should have just stayed where we were.

What if we go back to that?

I wonder if it would work.

Would you stay out of my mind?

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to do.

 I don’t know where to start.

You make me so happy.

But you have the capability to tear me apart.

And you slowly are.

My desire is for you to not have my heart.

I want to trust you

But I feel like I am living in the dark.

I don’t know where to go.

You’re my best friend.

I go to you for everything.

Who do I go to about you?

Deep down I know that everything is a lie

And that I am just a fool in love.

I get confused.

Because at the same time,

I feel that everything is the truth.

I want it to be true.

I want it so bad.

I want it so bad that my heart believes it.