What Do I Do, Where Do I Put It

What do I do, where do I put It By Esther “esty” Pagan 3/5/08 Someone asked me, what do I do, where do I put it? All the pain and sadness, where does it go? All the anguish and frustration. At first I really thought about it to myself, I replied, "I don't know." When it creeps up behind you, you feel the heat from within you, rising, but you can't quite make it go away. The beads of sweat collecting in the palms of your hands, the deepest part of the pit of your stomach, never letting go. Eerie dark and grey clouds hover behind you, tapping your shoulder saying, "Hello." You can't turn it off like a light switch. You can't make it crawl under a rock and make it die. It just won't, it's there. As much as you don't want it to... then it just takes the best of you, to stare, to stare, to stare. Then you remember like it was yesterday. You feel, you smell, you shutter, you weep. It erupts from that deep pit in you stomach where you held it oh so warm. Thinking it went away forever. But no, it has just been reborn. What I do, where do I put it, asked they. I let it emerge and I look at it and study it for more. More understanding of why, why had it be? I let tears of anguish let go and run away from me. I put the tears in a box with a special stamp for a far away place and hope that tomorrow I won't get another visit from this emotional memory which stirs my life so and doesn't even have a face. After all is said and done, I start over with a sigh and say to myself not I, not I. I'm not going to let this faceless creature win. I won't, I won't, I will never give in. So, what do I do, where do I put it? I pretend to wish upon a rainbow where this faceless emotion lives like a memory not ever wanting to come back in. I day dream the colors of happiness which I do hope someday, I can say for me have set in. Instead of this faceless creature who as I said before will never, ever, ever win.