What Happened to the Butterflies

Dear High School Girl,

Sometimes, I close my eyes and reminisce about past innocence

When I was young, I remember the days when I looked at my crush for the very first time

And the upwelling of beautiful nervous butterflies fluttered in my stomach

And red warmth engulfed my checks like a sweet summer sun

I stared into that fiery morning sun

“Today, I get to see him again.”

But, no one told me that he would be the reason for who I am now

No one told me I would learn

Hate and Revenge

Like they were my best friends by the time he

was finished with me

No one told me the boy with the charming smile that sat across the room in my math class

        would be the reason my butterflies

died.

I became numb to the sensation

Numb to the blissful purity

Numb to the cold remarks

Numb to the whispers

“whore.” They said

“Skank.” They said

“Slut." They said

Tramp. Desperate. Asking for it.” The words spiraled in a cloak of disparity

and one by one

each beautiful butterfly patter slowed

darkened

and became cold.

They fell

Now, the joy when the boy you’ve been thinking about for the last month

But haven’t quite mustered up the courage to talk to

doesn’t exist

The butterflies are numbed

unable to devolve the fluttering feelings you once felt

The beautifulness of their unpredictable flight becomes all too familiar

You’ve seen them before

You’ve felt the gut wrenching betrayal that comes when they are flightless

You’ve become closer to

The hurt they leave behind

Than the joy they bring

So I ask,

What happened to the butterflies?