this is what happens

What it is like when you swallow a handful of pills. First, it's a lot to swallow. In both ways - it is a lot to take in and it is, psychically a lot to swallow, if you take them all at once. But I digress, first, as you're laying down you realize that you can not quite feel your entire body. Until it hits you, and then your leg starts to twitch and you want to reach down and stop it but it feels as if it is an ocean away. All of a sudden a textbook is sitting upon your chest so you are trying your hardest to breathe but it is only getting more difficult. You begin to drift off. And then your mother is shoving water towards you forcing you to drink it, although swallowing  feels like a nearly impossible task.

What happens when you take a handful of pills if that your mind starts going crazy. You might die and you have been told that on your deathbed you will remember your entire life. So you think of the time you were four and dropped your ice cream so you cried for three hours. And you smile when you think of the boy that sits in front of you in homeroom with bright blue eyes. And then you are not smiling anymore because you never said even a single word to that beautiful boy. You start to think of your little sister and how she laughed with everything inside of her but she will not be laughing when she hears what had happened to you. What happens when you swallow a handful of pills is that you begin to regret it, and death no longer seems as inviting as it did before.