What Happens Next

What happens after I am happy,

I'm energetic and alright.

I'll be happy for a while,

Not tiered at all,

Keeping myself up,

With these ideas of joy and love.

This is my state of mania perhaps,

That leads my world to crash.

But from one day to another,

It will all suddenly fade,

I am stuck in the darkness.

I don't want to get up in the mornings.

I really don't want to see,

I don't wanting to speak today,

I really don't want to breathe.

I hate the mirror,

I want to hide my face.

I want to disappear.

I want to feel my worth,

I want to feel okay,

But I know it's unlikely to happen,

So I keep it hiden away.

I feel that emptiness,

That eats away from the inside.

It feels like venom,

An illness inside.

I can't breath,

I'm suffocating.

I really don't want to eat,

But I know that I must.

I'm exhausted all the time,

And my dreams my only comfort.

But my comfort is too short,

For a sweet thing can quickly turn sour,

When my alarm sound on the hour.

People ask if I bipolar,

I really don't know.

I have no answers except what follows:

One day I'm warm,

I feel happy,

I feel alive.

The next I am cold,

I am shattered,

Afraid to get up.

I'm teetering on the edge,

Above an abyss,

Where I wander so lonely.

A daily fight that I face.

I don't want to win,

But I don't want to loose.

I only want to survive.