What I Am

Darkness, surreal, creeping up inside me, How do I fight this, this monster that is me? I long to be good, to be free, to be anything that is not what I am. Oh to be good. All the riches in the world cannot buy this for me. I cannot be good. Sin lives within me. How can I control that, That is not what I am? I see what I could be, I reach for it, Fall short every time. What is the definition of good anyway? How do I know that is not what I am? Only God can judge me right? Wrong because I judge me. I see My heart and soul. I know good. That is not what I am. I want to change, to grow, to know. Help is what I seek. But who should help a soul like me? I would not even help myself. That is not what I am. For there is no hope for some one Like me. I am too far gone. No good shall Ever become of me, not ever, for That is not what I am.