What I can't say now

I met a man who inspires me to say

all the things I never could say before

the things that never had words

to go with the feelings

that he also inspires in me

but by no means is this a love poem,

or at least that's what I want to say...

but it is, they always are now.

Never before have I gone so quickly

from hate to love, to hate again

but ultimately always to love,

not to hate for him, but inspired by him

for the cruelty of the world,

for the injustice of the system,

and what began as fear and intimidation

turned to respect and a wish

to give him whatever he wants

to knowing that he, above all else,

must be happy.

Confusion and desire at once,

while I sit alone, waiting for the day

I'll have him in my arms

with wonder of whether I can do it,

or whether I'm even good enough,

if it's actually me he wants;

mistaking the words of a quoted song for

words meant for me, are they?

not knowing sometimes whether or not

it's me he meant that facebook post for,

but wanting nothing more than that,

and to have him as my own -

even though for now I can't.

Happiness, above anything,

is what he inspires in me,

and so I would love to tell him

in a way that he can finally understand

that I want to give him what he gives me

in return, I want to make him happy.

I want to make him feel love and

that feeling of new beginnings,

every day when we wake up.

That knowing that everything will be ok

as long as we have each other,

I want more than anything to tell him

how the stars in my eyes can drive away

the darkness in his soul

but uncertainty is the day I live in.

What I can't tell him now

I tell myself, someday....I will.