What i couldn't see

11:37 with my soggy pillow i laid

and watched the clock as i felt pain

my family was at ease, 

from there long days at work

as i stay up and wish to 

block out the world

i wish i felt nothing,

so nothing i felt.

i rememember the day i stopped feeling,

it was the day i stopped dreaming,

stopped loving,

stopped caring.

i felt nothing, i thought thats what i wanted

but, all i do is hide from those who love me 

and burn my self trying to be new.

i sit in the dark with my pillows stained with red,

its funny how months ago they started out with tears

now it led to this awful fall

and from there on out i was sure to go,

there was no light, that i could see

all i wanted was to be put out of my miserey,

earth was not the place for me, so i often

day dreamed about the galaxy,

i felt misplaced, and unsure

i always wondered when i would be free,

free from the demonds that stop me from eating,

free from the voices screaming "cut me"

free from all the bad in my life, but i never saw it comming

but it came at last. 

i saw the light, as it started from my heart and spread about,

i was free from the monsters 

that i never thought would leave,i was free from the self- hate 

and from the voices in my head.

as they left and i was free i woke up the next day happy and clean

i was clean from cutting, drugs and more

each day i wake up loving god even more.

he saved me from the hole i was sinking more in,

he pulled me out of the devils pit,

now im 5 months clean and for the first time i actually see,

i too have a family that cares for me.

A.C.