Of What I Had Been

I awoke to find my passion was driven away.

The reassurance that I was supposed to be here, had left its sudden stay.

An engineer I am to be or so I thought -

The cool shadow of ambiguity miserly besets.

Three months in the past, I lay on my bed, unsure where I should go.

My peers seemed so devoted and resolute,

Some for reasons that were non-substantial;

Yet with full devotion, they pursued their efforts.

Slowly, I sunk into an apathetic dream that was of my own making;

Duly noting the time I was wasting.

Conviction boy!

The man of today beseeches, but the fool of yesterday.

How strange it is to have understanding of the point of the world,

Yet succumb to becoming a dulled blade;

A waste of space -

However, I had not started that way.

In the course of a year, I had gone from pursuing the race,

To refusing to push past my comfort pace.

I was focused; though not perfect, yet always sought to improve.

Three months past, I lay on my bed, unsure where I should go.

A crossroads lies before me:

To remain as I had become or to return to what I had been.

Though what I had been was not perfect,

Moving forward was where I was destined. 

So I pick up my bags, once again, with the resolution of what I had been;

Start over again with end in mind and current objective in tact:

Having ears at the ready and heart vested in the Rock of Ages;

To bring others where no one has gone before,

And to show them along the way,

                                                        The point, of why they are.