What I Mean.

Hello, by hello I mean is everything okay? When I say I enjoy sweet things I mean I like the feelings of the sun shining down on my body in the middle of June and I stay there until the moon falls into place and begins to spill salt. When I say I love you I mean thank you for showing me color when I believed I was colorblind- when I say I love you I mean you give me hope. When I go to the grocery store stand too long in the makeup aisle it's really because I see you staring back at me while I test lipsticks. When I say I'm sad I mean he hasn't left me alone yet, he's still an empty spot in my bed I refuse to fill and he still has a plate set at the dinner table. When I welcome you into my home I'm emotionally preparing myself for you to set fire to my couches, tip over my refrigerator and use my bodywash to write love letters on my mirrors. When I say my throat burns I mean I'm swallowing stardust and the galaxy is trying to sneak its way out of my mouth. When I say yes, you can spend the night I mean I really don't know you, but your smile reminds me of him and sure you can lay in his spot and treat me like he did. When I say your presence makes me feel at home I mean when you leave your laughter filled balloons in my room not giving me space to bang my head on the wall about the idiotic comment I made and my body feels on fire. And when I say goodbye I mean I need to tear my house apart and reorganize it but you can't be here for that. When I say goodbye I mean please leave before I snap.