what I once had

What I once had a boy who loved me deeply 

What I once had a boy who became a man and his love grew deeper 

What I once had a man where my absences would make his heart grow fonder and his love grow even deeper than before

What I once had a soulmate who truly loved me for me

What I now have a constant urge to end it all

What I now have cuts bruising and all done by my own hand for he isn't mine and my body no longer can function my head is filled with the never ending words of his love my heart torn and ripped to shreds and my own love now hanging by one thred

What I once had is no longer What I now have for now all I wish is for the man who was so gentle with me his hands could play symphony's with me and his lips could take every breathe I had and his voice cold and warm at once and the memories that haunt me and taunt me to end it all 

For what I once had will never be mine again and won't be but how I wish for it and so be it by my hand I be dead and no longer must feel the pain of his last words the pain of him not meaning what he said for me no longer having to question his love for I could have my last breath believing I was his and that's my one true wish