What I Would Say if You Were to Die Today

Dear Father,

This is a poem you will probably never read from your daughter.

There are so many things I've been wanting to say, 

But now I'm at a loss for words, knowing you might die today.

I'll just pour my heart out: I don't know where to start.

Listen to me now before our worlds part.

I remember her blood-curdling screams,

How they used to wake me from my oh-so-sweet-dreams.

I begged you, pleaded, why couldn't you just stop?

You never gave up until all of Mom's hope dropped. 

I remember the stories she used to tell,

about my brothers and sisters I'd never met because of you:

I was under her spell.

Except

there was no magic involved.

If there was, the CPS issue would have been resolved. 

I remember realizing you were the reason we didn't have a family.

Tell me, how was that fair to her

to them

or to me?

I remember how good it felt when we ran away.

From one ghetto to the next,

But with you gone I knew everything would be okay.

I remember the day I had my first seizure,

Mom told me just like your eyes, it was something I shared with you:

Another shameful feature.

I remember having to work two jobs at thirteen,

I had to pitch in for bills, you were never there,

But life made an adult out of me

I remember wiping her tears each time she would cry,

I spoke with you on your birthday that year, begging, pleading,

If only you could tell me why.

I remember praying for the day you would die, 

All the pain you have caused so many,

You never even apologized, never would you try.

As of now, I do not know which day will be your last.

And I'm not too sure if you'll go slow or fast. 

Just one last thing before you leave,

Know that I will always love you as a father, 

But you were and will never be a dad to me.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter