(What if)

I never took those pills,

popping

one after another

like candy.

I didn’t dig

deeper, deeper into the layers of skin—just trying to feel.

I never left home;

we never grew apart.

I let myself be imperfect and never

panicked, panicked without knowing

what panic truly was.

I stayed that perfect

 blend of responsible and innocent;

 balancing childhood on that knife

forged from expectations.

And…

We had stayed

 together and built our family

 on the promises made

 when we began our journey.

I lived that perfect blissful life.

 I was more important than anyone else.

I didn’t hurt you.

I knew you.

You wanted to know me.

You wanted me.

I wasn’t born.

Your life never changed?