But What If

I sat down to write about moving on

Becoming me.

But who is me when there is only You

It doesn't feel as if I'm going

The walls are still closing in

My heart is still hammering

My skin, still pebbled.

I can't breathe here.

I'm suffocating.

This is my chance to leave:

Go far

Far

Far

Away

 

I was aiming for outer space but I landed Somewhere in the middle

I don't know if I'll be far enough

I should have hit the Moon but I'll be in orbit

You could catch me there

in my ever present free fall

They tell me that you won't

but I'm not sure I believe them

Just a few fingers, just a little Poke

and you could bring me crashing down

 

But now,

right now

That's not my worry.

Those are tomorrow's ponderings

 

Today.

How is one to say goodbye to home?

To the people and places they’ve always known?

 

I can't.

My soul doesn't think it’s leaving

You've bled it dry

it thinks it's stuck,

even as my brain says the rocket is good and prepped.

 

There is a Cloud over my head

its rained for years

now I want sun.

Does leaving the Cloud behind mean it will rain blood?

 

My spirit is chained

worrying for a Cloud I should have grown to hate

 

Can you let me breathe?

Will you survive?

Will you let them?

 

If so then I can go,

My soul can say goodbye

But what if you can't

But what if one cloud can be escaped only to be replaced

But what if I fall to earth under my own power

When all I ever wanted was the stars above

But what if it turns out

All this time

There was only

Me.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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