What If

What if I called my father? 

What if I didn't wait months to say my finals goodbyes?

What if I learned how to forgive before it was too late?

What if... What if…. What if…. Still haunts me years later 

Imagine waking up with a regret you can not longer fulfil 

    Just because time was no longer on your side.  

    I learned my father has cancer the day after Thanksgiving of 2014

    There is no reaction because my father is a stranger, haven't talked in eight years. 

    What if I called him? 

Why Should I? He never said Happy Birthday to me 

But…. what if I called him? 

    He already has stage four lung & bone cancer 

    But yet I refuse to talk to him

because how can I catch up on eight years of my life with someone who I believe should have been there since day one. 

What if I called him? 

Why should I? He was the one who smoked for decades

But... what if I called him? 

Day after day, I laugh with friends and  I relax with family 

Buy yet there is a feeling churning in the pit of my stomach

I know not talking to him  is wrong 

Yet I’m  too stubborn to admit it. 

 What if I called him? 

Why should I? He was the one who left

But what if I called him? 

    Imagine waking up with a regret you can not longer fulfil 

    Just because time was no longer on your side.  

Months later I learn he is fading fast 

    And if you never seen someone on the edge of death,  God I hope you never do.

 I couldn’t look at him for long or else the tears would burst through.  I didn't have the courage to say my final goodbye.  So I simply whispered “I love you.”

     But everyday I wish I could catch up on those eight years. Well... Now, it's been three     

            more years

    I cannot change that he passed away

    But I would have been able to make peace with him 

    If I did call