What if?

What if…

They don’t love me,

As much as I love them?

I come off

Desperate

Pathetic

Lonely.

Maybe I am.

I won’t show them that though.

I’ll mask it with jokes,

Ignore them once in a while,

Even though it kills me.

I’ll make them think I love them,

Just enough to not lose them

But not necessarily enough to keep them.

That oughta show them.

But what if...

They love me more than I love them?

I blow my chances at a connection

because of my own worries.

Then again,

What if...

I stopped living my life by what ifs?

Ironic.

What if I just loved them

the way I knew how?

Braced myself for rejection

And acceptance.

Then maybe life would work out.

What if

This ‘what if’ thing isn't working out?

What if it’ just fear in disguise.

An obstacle in my way to

Success

Connection

Happiness.

What if I was happy?

Would it be because

I stopped this whole ‘what if’ thing?

Alright then, not ‘what if’ but ‘if’.

Both are conditional,

But one seems more probable.

Both a question,

But one seems more obtainable.

What if…

I started saying ‘if’ instead?

‘If’ I started using ‘if’ then...

No there’s still

Doubt

Vagueness

Uncertainty.

Maybe, ‘maybe’.

Maybe if I started saying ‘maybe’?

Possible

But maybe not realistic.

When.

When I love them

More than they love me,

I know.

It’s not

Desperate, pathetic, or lonely

If I’m aware.

What if...

‘What if’ is fearful

‘If’ is uncertain

‘Maybe’ is unrealistic

If I were to stop asking questions with

‘What if’ no questions just conclusions?

Isn’t that just assumptions?

What if...

I learned to ask the right questions.

What if my love is too great for this word?

What if I started striving for happiness?

What if I stopped asking in fear,

But started wondering in curiosity?

I think that’s it.

I wonder...