WHAT IF HE WAS DIFFERENT?

What is more scary than the silence of the nights?

When you're confronted by the fact that all these years you have lost sight

Of the things that matter, of the things that are right, those that will truly last.

You were recklessly ambitious

Wanted everything that you lacked during your younger years

Little that you know what drove you was just you, just you being jealous.

Jealous of the childhood friend who had a normal family life.

A Mom who would stay home to take care of her

A Dad who would provide for her and her every need

Not too many siblings, just a few very well-taken care of

A family dynamic you so desired to have, but unfortunately, never got.

Jealous not just of their economic stature

this was the least of your concerns

You only  wanted a dad  like hers

A dad you can talk to, a dad who would talk to you.

Because your own wasn't like that.

He was a stone, he was a wall, he got no feelings at all.

Oh except for being angry. That's all he was.

ANGRY. ALL YOUR LIFE.

Back to the now, wondering what if he was different?

What if he listened to you?What if he tried ro console you when your heart was first broken?

Would that have made a big difference to the kind of woman you became?

Maybe you didn't grow up so insecure. Maybe you didn't feel men will never choose you.

Had your Dad shown you that you are special, you would have looked at and

treated yourself with the right amount of respect your person truly deserved.

You felt you were not loved at all so you hungered for affection.

You went into relationships blindly, chosed not to choose the right man

Can we blame you? Of course not, you were so thirsty!

So you went on got drunk by all your wrong decisions.

Because you were jealous,

You tend to settle for the lesser good.

You put your lovelife on top

and almost completely forgot to flourish what you've got.

You don't know where you're good at,

you can't find honey in all the talents that you have..

Seems this world has ran out of space for you.

Just like everybody else, it doesn't seem to love you.

Like your Dad, this world  probably regrets your mere existence.

So the silence of this night is such a threat.

Fears creep in, you tremble and can't help.

it bombards you of questions about tomorrow.

Not just of your own but of your  children too.

Think endlessly and get crazy

Ignore all but this one call you must listen to:

Please! Don't dare raise another version of you!