WHAT IF I MISS YOU ANYWAYS?

What if I missed you anyways? It’s strange.. At the start of our relationship? I felt love. No worries nor exhaustion. As the years went by? I felt exhausted and drained. And still? I asked If we’d ever last. I thought you’d answer like usual. That you did, but.. But it didn’t answer my question. Instead, you answered with a last minute decision. The decision that you didn't think through. And it left me mourning. ..Or that’s how it felt? I should’ve felt some type of a relief, Some type of weight off my shoulders. Since loving you felt like a second job: A job of walking on eggshells when talking about our relationship to you, A job where I needed to double check my answers And yet? I mourned. When you answered?: I mourned the question and answer. The answer. The one that didn’t give an explanation to my question. Do you think we’d last? Could we fix this? Could we keep going? Were we okay? Were we doomed from the start? I wonder if you ever thought about them when you made the decision. I wonder if you ever thought about us going to college together, Studying together and living in the dorms together. I wonder if you ever thought about us going to the Queen Mary The top 4 goals of mine. I wonder if you ever thought about us going to a Chappel Roan concert The top 3 goals of mine. I wonder if you ever thought about us going to a future [[LUCA]] concert The top 2 goals of mine. I wonder if you ever thought about us finally meeting my two best friends The top 1 goal of mine. I wonder if you ever thought about our future dates, Our future wedding. I wonder if you ever thought about our future kids, And their future names. I wonder if you ever thought about our future pets, And their future names. Did you think about any of this? Did you think about any of this when you made your last minute decision? All because you got defensive despite wanting to talk. Everytime I’d need or want to talk? You’d always leave. And suddenly I’m the difficult one to talk to? You answered, but not the question I was asking. If only you’d explain why. If you just answered the question, Instead of answering with a decision. Maybe then I’d understand: And forgive you, And maybe then I’d finally have an answer for why you did this. So, what if I missed you anyways?: .. “Do you think this relationship will last?”