Depression is battling yourself to send your cousin a picture saying "Thought of you" to open a conversation with her
But deciding against it because it's 1am and you don't want to appear lonely and desperate for attention
Even though most of yalls conversation happens after 12am due to conflicting schedules
Depression is watching heartbreakingly sad videos on YouTube you know will make you cry
Because you rather feel pain than the vast empty numbness you know comes along with depression
Depression is listening to Button Poetry on YouTube hours on end on loop at night when you should be asleep because you love their poems
And you want to hear voices instead of the deafening silence
Depression is the writers block you get every time you try to write but wanting to get your pain on paper
Then experiencing the anxiety of people knowing your story
Anxiety is the fear of looking pathetic to your cousin who you grew up with like a sister
Anxiety is not telling your loving boyfriend you don't want him to go to bed because you are afraid to be alone
Anxiety makes you not tell him because you fear looking weak and desperate
Anxiety is the twin of Depression who never goes anywhere without the other
When I have depression I have anxiety
When I have anxiety I have depression
Having both is being stuck in a cage as you watch your life like a movie.
You see the wrong choices you make but no matter how hard you fight or loud you yell you cant change it
Having both is having the hunger and the pleading desire to sleep but having enough energy to write this poem
Because you are worthless all other hours, why waste time sleeping when you can be productive?
Having both is a never ending hell you can hardly get through each day.
At night when you sleep it ends
Yet when you wake up it begins again