What is my Depression and Anxiety

Depression is battling yourself to send your cousin a picture saying "Thought of you" to open a conversation with her

But deciding against it because it's 1am and you don't want to appear lonely and desperate for attention

Even though most of yalls conversation happens after 12am due to conflicting schedules

Depression is watching heartbreakingly sad videos on YouTube you know will make you cry

Because you rather feel pain than the vast empty numbness you know comes along with depression

Depression is listening to Button Poetry on YouTube hours on end on loop at night when you should be asleep because you love their poems

And you want to hear voices instead of the deafening silence

Depression is the writers block you get every time you try to write but wanting to get your pain on paper

Then experiencing the anxiety of people knowing your story

Anxiety is the fear of looking pathetic to your cousin who you grew up with like a sister

Anxiety is not telling your loving boyfriend you don't want him to go to bed because you are afraid to be alone

Anxiety makes you not tell him because you fear looking weak and desperate

Anxiety is the twin of Depression who never goes anywhere without the other

When I have depression I have anxiety

When I have anxiety I have depression

Having both is being stuck in a cage as you watch your life like a movie.

You see the wrong choices you make but no matter how hard you fight or loud you yell you cant change it

Having both is having the hunger and the pleading desire to sleep but having enough energy to write this poem

Because you are worthless all other hours, why waste time sleeping when you can be productive?

Having both is a never ending hell you can hardly get through each day.

At night when you sleep it ends

Yet when you wake up it begins again