What is the Norm?

Dear me,

There is a never-ending thought going around 

I don't understand

Is it normal to feel this way?

Every time I try to hang out with friends,

it doesn't feel right

My brain is trying to comprehend, 

but my heart has already decided

My brain says they are your friends

you should talk to them more

tell them how you are feeling

they should understand;

but my heart says they are your friends 

why are they acting that way

it's time to leave them

they don't seem like they will miss you anyway

Lately, I've been thinking,

My friends do care about me

My friends have done nothing wrong to me

My friends are my friends

they have a friend like behavior

but, why do I have these terrible thoughts?

My heart tells me that if I leave them,

I can find friends that understand my discomfort

My brain is telling me they have done nothing wrong

why do you have to do that?

If I just told them my feelings then everything should be okay

I've tried to once, 

but it didn't work

in the end, It made me feel even worse

I can't really open up about anything

some say they don't care

other says it's not their business

But they don't understand what's harming them

For a year now I have tried 

but I just feel like giving up 

all signs point to new friends 

but they are all in my head

In the end,

I shouldn't be making new friends to replace them

I just need to make more friends

Making more friends will hopefully help me open up

more about my feelings 

talking to them about whatever topic is on my mind

I wish one day that can be possible

but as of now it is only a mere thought

that is going around and around 

when will it stop?