What is really inside of me

The beauty of it all lies within I'm going to tell you what I really think. Meeting me for the first time, I am one of a kind Nice face, nice smile, nice almost everything. I can be straight forward to the point of no return But what is really inside you can never picture with you pure innocent eyes. My lack of confidence even though I am outgoing The way I look for attention in everyone Even though I tell you I don't care what people think of me. The saliva forming in my mouth as I wait for you to judge me But I play it off like I don't care. Telling you everything I do ends up in disaster So you won't expect nothing better from me. You can call it my self defense mechanism But that is me, the true me. The way I can tell all my friends what ever is on my mind But can't tell my only lover, what they are doing wrong. I force myself to be normal at all time, In a room of "best friends" I am still the lonely soul. I find that I care for my "friends" more than my "family" But that is just how I was raised. I tried to act respectful to people of all kind, But inside, what am I thinking anyways.