What She's Done To You

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You act like you can't stand the sight of me
while my heart palpitates in my chest,
This pain that you inflict by acting like my existence is a curse
a pestilence that you must bear.
Little do you know that you make me bleed inside,
the stitches are slowly ripped out with every glare from you.
I’d finally begun to heal ,
learned to live without you by my side
which I’d actually been doing unknowingly the entire time.
Do you see the hurt in my eyes?
Can you see the tears?
Can you see the rings underneath that look like I've been hit,
the rings that come from nights where I am constantly restless?
My peaceful sleep has been destroyed for eternity.
She haunts my dreams,
turning them into nightmares as she laughs at my fear,
she laughs as I run, as I try to escape.
And you do nothing to stop her,
although it’s your body, she’s locked you away inside of it; 
locked you in a dark corner of your own mind. 
She will stop at nothing until she destroys me, drives me mad with grief and fear.
One of these days, when she looks at me with disgust through your eyes- 
the beautiful brown eyes I once saw kindness and love in,
the eyes that steadied me when I was unsure, when I was frightened, 
the eyes that looked tenderly into mine as I cried-
One day I will be able to smile back and watch as her anger turns to shock,
and as I whisper “I’m sorry,” and “I forgive you.”
I will look into those eyes searching for you, hoping to catch a glimpse of the boy I cared for,
even if he no longer exists, I want her to know that I tried;
That no matter what she does to me,
I would try to see if you still live inside the body she stole.
Today, I saw her take control when you saw me,
the surprise in your eyes that flared to life right before she 
narrowed them into slits of anger.
I want to tell you that the music you write is beautiful,
that I hear it everyday in the lounge;
and that even though it hurts me to hear it, 
I can’t help but smile because it is a piece of you that has survived.
I want to tell you that I’m glad you can smile again,
that she allows you to smile.
I try to catch myself as my own lips curve in response to a smile you give someone else,
because even though it wasn't directed at me, it’s beautiful.
It’s beautiful to see you live,
even if it’s only when she allows it, when she wills it. 
I don’t blame her for destroying us the way she wanted to,
I don’t blame you for not being strong enough to suppress her,
I don’t blame you for believing her lies.
After all, she is a part of you.
And I believed you two.
 
Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

savigirl14

amazing so much power behind your words just wow

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