What a Sweet Liar

The question of topic is: What does it take to love and/or believe in God? What I say is... "Nothing. Just open and give yourself to him completely and you'll feel all he has to offer you. " What a sweet liar I am What I think is... 'Do I really believe in God? Why do I have to force myself to believe just because you believe in him without question? ' I'm not into the habit of being pushed to what I'm unsure of. To have no religious standing... does it mean I go to Hell? Ha, that's a laugh. What do I believe in if not God? At this point I don't care and it doesn't matter. What a sweet liar I am I can't even be truthful with myself. The real answer to that question is I don't know what to believe anymore. I say... "Pity a poor soul who has no destination, so no journey, but only wants her own clarity." What a sweet liar I am? Tell me. What was I lying about again?