What you could not be

Wed, 08/24/2016 - 17:09 -- katharo

I am not crazy

I tell myself over and over, but the more I say it, it becomes harder to believe it

The small letters on the bottle read antipsychotic

But although the money’s pouring out my parents pockets I can’t seem to buy it

 

Your words gave birth to sirens

My hands strapped to my sides, the wounds bleeding heartbreak

While I sat in the empty room mumbling how I felt you looked into her green eyes and felt her

While the white walls stared back at me, I painted them with my imagination, my eyes cringing at every masterful stroke

Why couldn’t you love me?

Why couldn’t you stay?

The nights that I spent, day and day, my eyes wide open but yet I was blind

Your tricks and your lies

 

Her pink soft lips against yours I can almost feel them on mine

Your hands entangled in her hair, your words entangled on my wrists

You labeled me with all your hate, when really it was you that you needed to blame

I tried to sing you to sleep but like you said this isn’t fucking American Idol

I was your mirror, your shame from all your silly games

 

I changed everything I ever was, I gave up everything I ever had

You robbed me of my happiness, my dreams and my life

The two last friends I had, would not stand by my side to see my misery

I looked down every day, thinking maybe there is a way, if only I was slimmer

Maybe if my eyes were green too, I could dial back the clock and have you fall in love too

Chance after chance you took, I always got the sharp end of your love

 

It took me months to pull myself together

I told myself things will get better

I let myself be free, in the soil of your hate I grew and bloomed

I stand here now looking forward, starting my life without you

I jumped not afraid to fall, my wings spread wide open and I flew

My dreams are coming true

I stand here on the stage, but my mask is burried away

Here is my pain, I let you see it all

 

I hold my head up high, but not dreaming in the sky

I’m going places I have never been

I am seeing things I could never see

 

You told me, there’s nothing to be proud of, you’re going to be a Marine

But let me tell you this, I am becoming everything you could never be

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741