What You Taught Me Mom

I remember that day perfectly

I remember so well because that was the day you changed me

I see you now and you act like you never hurt me

Like you never left me

But in reality you did

You left me when I needed you most

I don’t think you understand that

I go around everyday hearing kids talk about how much their moms annoy them

Then they turn around and say that their moms care too much

All I think is that I wish my mom was around

And I think I wish my mom had cared more

They say that they got grounded because they got caught doing drugs or drinking

While I wanna say “Yeah, well my mom got me addicted to cocaine when I was a baby”

They say that they love their moms

I wish I had a different one

I was two when you walked out

I screamed and begged you

I held onto your leg with all my might hoping I could get you to stay

But you didn’t care….You didn’t care at all

You just kicked me off and left

You just left me laying there on the sidewalk

Heartbroken...Alone...Destroyed

Then ten years pass before I see you again

The only connection we had was through phone calls and broken promises

Then I’m told that I’m flying up to Oregon to see you

I hope and pray that you changed and maybe you can come back

I was still hopeful that I could have my mom back

Then I see you and I begin to believe that you did change

You took me to a festival and bought me candy and food

I was having a great time and really began to feel that I had a mom again

I began to trust you again

Stupid me because you got drunk as soon as we got back to my cousin’s house

Then you got high right in front of me

Everything you bought for me, you took

You showed me that you were never gonna be the mom I wanted

Every bit of hope, trust, and love I started to have was destroyed

The night that your son was talking about my dad, brother, and I

You should have stopped him

But of course you didn’t

You just laughed so

I stood up for my family and held my ground

Then he hits me and I’m about to fight him so you stop us

But all you do is tell me I was wrong and send me in another room

You became nothing to me that day

When I came back home and my dad asked me how it went

I shake my head and smirk

I was twelve years old and I already knew how to put my guard up

I already knew how to keep a blank face when I’m hurt

I already knew how cruel and stupid this world is

And how it will kill you if you don’t harden yourself….how it almost killed me

You taught me this mom

You taught me how to hate and not love anyone

You taught me how to push everyone away

You taught me how to be alone and feel alone every second of my life

So I hope you’re happy mom

I’m seventeen now and I have close to no friends because I trust nobody

I don’t live with my dad because we fought so much

I pushed him away and never told him why I was so closed off

I hope you’re proud of the daughter you have

Because to me, I have no mom

You’re just a person who brought me in this world

So if you are proud

Be proud of the fact that you are nothing to me

Because everyday of my life I will remember that day

The day my mom became non existent