whatever

i have just realized 

that my feelings do not matter

that they are just “whatever” to people

i must keep this wall around me

to not let people even know what it is 

i am feeling

and that is why they think i am some sort of robot

i cannot allow to make myself vulnerable

i have lost that human part of me 

everybody stopped giving a damn about my mental state

and frankly, i don't think people would ever

because i do not matter enough to them

they just see me as a voiceless being

who is incapable of ever feeling emotions

instead, she absorbs other’s emotions

as she does not know what to feel herself

the numbness is suffocating me

and not allowing me to breathe

it’s whatever,

my feelings should be valid

because i am human

i am alive

i am someone

and i matter

and if you don’t give a damn

about what i feel

then i certainly should not

care about your opinions 

now tell me how that would make you feel?

mad, right?

if i tell you your opinions have no effect on me

then your words should not have an effect on me either

since i am able to feel

what it is i desire to feel

and since i am in fact human

and i should not act tough or repress my feelings

just because i am scared of 

what the others will think

but my feelings are my feelings

they are mine to own

and to control

and to overall,

experience and feel

and they can also

allow me to heal,