When Death Comes

February 6, 2014

To see a loved one go isn't what hurts:

It's the fact that you're the one to pull the plug.

Nothing exists in between, nothing there but an emptiness that lurks;

And then you're asked to kill or to watch, and to hear the melody of your breaking heart be sung.

And so comes a time in which you must learn to let go, because to let go is love and to hold on, a crippling selfishness.

And though they end, the world continues to round and round go, still strong, still a mess.

There's nothing to be angry about when all your tears and all your hate

Will fall upon deaf ears and forever echo about: o is the destiny of our sufferings and pains, so is their fate.

Can you hear my screams and hear me break into bits and pieces on the cold, heartless floor?

See my smile on my face: that's how I do away with my tears and how I close this broken door.

Round and round spins the world endlessly,

So dizzying, so annoying, so cruel.

Silence your pity, quiet your lies, stop seeing only this imagined fragility;

For every candle snuffed out, for every fallen star, another one comes, and long ago I have come to accept this rule.

No beginning is without end, and no end without beginning,

And now comes cruelly one break, one end,

And from the ground up will have to be grown, forced and dull, another sad start, raw and screaming.

No tears to be shed, no screams to cry,

Now I need to learn how to say goodbye.

But when your breath hitches, and your eyes are now blurry and no longer dry,

How can you say goodbye when the word catches and in your throat dies?

This farewell burns my throat bitterly,

And this last "I love you" gives it all a stinging finality.

So forgive me if I don't say the words until you're gone and cold and Death's grip holds you so heartlessly.

But always know they were there to say, and were later, to you, said faithfully.

With the pieces of my heart in tow,

With a silent voice and screaming tears,

Will I come, will I mourn, will I croak, at your casked full of agonizing woe,

The final words before the door to your eternal bed is closed, torn from my raw throat to make come true my fears.

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