When Fear Arrives

They say 17 is a number associated with spiritual growth

Next month, I advance to a new chapter, a new 18

So I reflect on what’s changed and what’s remained 

Fear has continuously fueled me, but I manifest it differently 

Fear of constriction

As the financially struggling college student steps in the elevator and drops his only laundry detergent pack to shriek “OH MY POD” 

and fear arrived because money constricts him 

Fear of love

As I got so nervous the last time I really liked someone who actually liked me back that I thought I would sweat my feelings out 

and fear arrived because love was uncertain  

Fear of failure

As an aspiring artist that cannot honestly define what success in art looks like, but simply wants to communicate emotion and empathize

and fear arrived because some art fails

I fear these because resolution doesn’t necessarily mean a good ending.

My version of constriction, love, and failure differ from yours because values deviate, 

and my fears may never be resolved,

But it’s okay 

I accept that sometimes stories end without closure. 

A resolution simply means a result, a tie; not a fix. 

It’s hopeful. I have learned to appreciate the small details and strive for the big picture of continuous spiritual and mental growth.

I will accept fear because it means I care, and

that there will always be progress.

Expressing this on paper, discussing thought, in fear, is progress.