When He

When he

When he smiles

He looks up, almost asking for permission

Catching my smile, his lips creep up

Up

Up

Full grin on display

Contagious like laughter,

Contagious like the need to continue reading that page-turning novel,

Contagious like a passing by yawn.

When he smiles.

Kind like a soft mother’s voice of comfort,

Kind like a weighted blanket, holding me tight,

Kind like the soft words of ‘I love you’.

When he stares

His gaze suffocating my soul

His eyes feel like a cup of warm coffee,

comforting and strong

His gray steel intriguing 

His eyes consume my interest,

dilate my mind

My heart plays double dutch

Criss cross criss cross

Flip flop a fish out of water

So out of place so far below

Can't wrap my head around him

When I get lost wondering what you're wondering 

wondering….

If you ever look at me through your eyes and think that I’m some kind of interesting. Some kind of cool. Some kind of pretty. Some kind of importance to you. I want you to look at me and think of Spring, beautiful and pure. Just like when I look at you and see Fall, cool and the wafting aroma of apple cider. I want you to look at me and see me. Not looking through, as if I do not exist, but like you're seeing my heart. I wonder if you ever look at me and think “Dam she's so pretty”. If you ever look into my eyes and compare them to heaven. I wonder if you ever look at me with care. If you ever look at me in awe. I wonder if you ever even glance my way.
 

When you laugh,

the soft chimes dance in my ears.

Why are you so conscious?

I wish you saw you through my eyes.

Just for a second

Your laughter births music to my ears

Soft and sweet

Sounds of pure

Sound of joy.

Your touch, soft and caring.

Your arms delicate yet strong.

I imagine them warm and safe, a state of comfort.

I paint myself in them,

using the brush of comfort and the paint of tomorrow.

Shades of blue for the sad in us, red for the falling, 

green for a life for us, and yellow for our hope for us.

Our art is beautiful and unique.

Full of passion and hardships, care and strength. 

But can you picture my picture of us?

Can you see the colors of possibility? 

Do you dream of a blank canvas we can paint our story on?

Do you frame us high in your mind?

Because when you smile at me,

My heart skips a beat.

And when you catch my wandering gaze from across the room,

I hope that you want to risk it all and just jump.

Jump into us.

Jump to fall

Jump to grow

Jump to learn and to experience and to never regret.

I hope the risk is worth a try. I hope you can put everyone else's opinions aside and see how much we’d work if we’d just let go. Let go of reality, let go of what every other fucking person wants and thinks of us, and just jump. Because when it’s just us, everything feels right. When it’s you, I’m sure.

When he grins

Words fail and I’m left at a loss.

Loss of how beautiful this boy is

Loss of how these feelings eat me alive

Loss of how we are us, so perfectly damaged.

When he looks at me,

I hope he thinks even a fraction of what I think of him.

I hope he can believe in us.

I hope he sees me.