When He Says Because I Love You

As young girls, we are taught by Disney that in order to be happy, we need a prince.

That the only way to find our happily ever after is by getting married.

We are taught that we need men to feel complete...

We are taught that just because a man loves us means he can do what he wants.

They will hit you physically, torture you mentally, and destroy you emotionally.

But it is okay, because he says he loves me.

I was 15 when I found out I was in a unhealthy relationship.

I was pregnant with my first child by someone who I thought loved me .

But not by what he did, it was what he would say that kept pulling me in closer.

I knew we were doing bad in the beginning but I thought it would soon be better.

But it got worse, the more we argued, the more worthless I felt.

Every argument took away a piece of me physically, mentally and emotionally.

I did not know he was stripping away my mental stability the longer we were together.

It was not until I was 16, that I realized what was actually happening to me.

I found myself crying after every argument, begging him to stop hurting me.

Eventually the arguments were actual fights.

When I was 8 months pregnant with my son, he threw me to the floor and pinned me down, I could hardly breathe.

Then when I was 5 months pregnant with our premature daughter, he threw me on the couch and sat on my stomach.

But everytime I asked him why and everytime I begged him to stop.

He always said BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

And I stayed because he had broken me down to where I thought no one could accept a mentally unstable single teen mother.

That no one would accept with my 2 beautiful babies and that this is the best I have going for me.

I was physically drained, I had no more fight left in me.

I was emotionally drained, I cried almost every night.

I was mentally drained, I doubted every compliment I ever received and lost all confidence.

But he loved me right? I mean, I was young, dumb and in love, wasn't I?

It was not until right before my 17th birthday, my mom had seen how depressed I was, that she pulled me to the side and said,

"Sincere, I know you love him and he may love you too, but you are way to young to be going through what you are going through, you are way to young for him to be putting his hands you and you are an very beautiful attractive woman, YOU WILL get married one day, there is no need to rush honey."

But everytime I tried to leave him, he cried and begged me to stay.

He would say " I will change for you Sincere, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, I will change."

But he never did.

It took me 2 years to realize that he was slowly killing me from the inside out.

I realized that I had cut to many times over the things that he said and the things that he did.

I found myself with a handful of pills, willing to take my life away because I felt like my life had no more meaning.

2 years of toture and I am finally free.

I am free because I love myself, not because he loves me, but because I love myself.

Now I am happily engaged, but we will have to see where "I LOVE YOU" will take me next.