"When I Am Afraid I Will Trust In You"

 

Even if I'm not happy, Jesus will still be here.

God will still hold my hand when I'm filled with fear.

They still think I'm beautiful when I think I'm ugly.

Even when I'm filled with hate, they will still love me.

I will not be discouraged though I don't feel I deserve it.

Because staying alive, yeah it takes me some courage.

I could be dead cause I feel undeserving.

But staying alive, yeah it takes fucking courage!

And I am far from perfect.

There are things that I lack,

And I fall in the black.

But they are still there,

And my body they catch.

I scream: "How much more can I take!

Oh God, my soul aches!

And I'm afraid, I'm afraid,

To turn over the next page!"

In my restlessness, He brings me peace.

I'm paranoid but He helps me to sleep.

I pray my soul He will keep!

When will I ever get rest from my sleep?!

God can you hear me??

God are you listening??

I know you are here but you feel far away!

I felt you once, now please don't go away....

I was drunk on your presence,

Was close to death, then I felt resurrected.

I was elated and faded, my praise was belated.

I drowned in your glory,

Please, will you still hold me?

I know I'm still far,

Far far from holy.

Sometimes I can't wait to die...

Then other days I'm filled with life.

In the bad, I remember it's a battle,

To pick myself up and get back in the saddle.

Then when it's good I soak it in like sun,

But it doesn't last long cause the war's just begun!

Though I know that it's already won.

Am I just a pawn?

The devil thinks he's winning,

The devil is thinning.

He thinks I'm drowning!

But I've begun swimming!

And fuck the damn devil cause Jesus is with me!

The Holy Spirit is within and keeps me from sinking....

I can still dwell in God's light even when I feel dark.

Devil, I won't drown cause I'm on Noah's ark.

I may look dim, cause I lost my spark.

But it's the gift of this pain that lets me make art!

  

This poem is about: 
Me

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