when i wake upthe first

when i wake up
the first thing i do is think of you
i pick up my phone, and send a text
hopefully my words tighten your chest
next, i set it down
put both of my hands on this guilty crown
i start thinking, i start to drown
a mass of emotion weighs me down
so i pick myself up
up off the floor
left right left right im through the door
i put on a smile
over a mopped up face
i pace myself
throughout the day
because you don't want to be sad all at once
if it was over that quick it wouldn't be much fun
so just feel the pain last through the hours
the ache is blinding, cant count the flowers
after school its time for work
mind numbing tasks all days a perk
because self expression fills the void like cheap wine
eventually you drink enough to tell your friends you feel fine
but just after that ill be laying in my bed
trying to catch some zs but im stuck up in my head
and I think about the pills when my head hits the pillow
I took a dead man's dose and now im staring out the window
my eyes roll back without a fight
and before I say goodbye i message her goodnight.