Since When (Jan. 2017)

You scar and scab me,

Thinking that it'll be the tonic, that brings you out of obscurity

And into the land you believe that you're meant to be

 

You tell me that I deserve it,

You try to justify your behavior with a book that teaches love and compassion

So, when I err and you need an outlet for your anger, my suffering is holy and your punishment righteous

 

But don't you realize that you break my psyche with every blow you make?

Every "you're not good enough" I take

Every "be like person A or B,"

but you never seem to be proud of me

 

You say you do it for my good,

But since when was good defined by a diminishing self-image, in a child?

By a nagging voice in the back of the mind that told me nothing I'd do would ever be enough?

 

You say you do it because you love me, but since when was love conditional?

Since when did your love for me,

depend on how much of a conformist I could be?

How much I acted like the others, so that you'd be proud of me?

 

You say you do it to help me,

But since when was it help, when you built barriers for me that I couldn't get out of?

By defining the standards I'd have to measure up to in order to have value in this world? In your eyes?

 

I see now, that I can't be the scapegoat for your inability to see

That all the things you've claimed would  help me,

Have left me more broken than I could ever be

It seems like the only person who truly cared about me, was me.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741