When Your Mind is Your Abuser

Depression is an abusive relationship One that starts out small and slow You don't notice at first But you're slowly isolated From all the people and things that Might be able to help You withdraw from activities Because you don't feel up to facing them Or don't want people to notice the change You let contact trickle away For the same reasons
You develop coping mechanisms Consciously or not You lose interest in not only hobbies But in basic things Like eating or getting sun Give up halfway On things that used to bring you joy And feel some days Like getting out of bed And staying that way Are the hardest things to do in the universe When you find a new source of pleasure It is hard to keep up with And keep it away from your abuser
Your mood is flighty and erratic Because most of your life is just fine But you can't hide From that one thing inside your mind And it's terribly eager To assert its dominance Over every facet of you
And you don't notice at first Because it starts out subtle Little things that you can dismiss as Something else Or put off dealing with "Maybe I'm just changing as a person” “I can fix this on my own” “I don't need outside help” “It was just a bad day”
You don't notice Until it's got a good chunk of you in its grasp And by that point Getting away won't exactly Be the easiest battle you've ever faced
And odds on It won't be a battle you can fight on your own You'll need allies Shelter Rations Weaponry
And it'll take time Your abuser won't want to let go of you Now that it has you Even once you drive it off It may try to come back Subtly Insidiously
Just remember that there is no shame In having to fight That everyone needs help From time to time And now is one of yours That your abuser may be convincing But it lies That your abuser may be strong But you go into battle armed And flanked by the staunchest Of friends and warriors That you may be exhausted And some will understand and help That it may be a war of attrition But that doesn't mean you can't win
And know this: If you need a shoulder, mine has room If you need an ear, mine is patient If you need prayer, you already have it
And if you need an ally A friend A warrior A touchstone Be it through me or another The Lord will provide.