Where Am I?

I've been abused, broken, and hurt,

And yet here I stand above the dirt.

I thought I'd be six feet under by now,

But I'm not, I've just slimmed down.

I don't close my eyes to just fall asleep,

I close them to enter another reality.

I dream of things you couldn't imagine, 

Because I need something even I cannot fathom. 

For my heart aches and cries,

To go back to those summer nights.

I seemed happier then,

Do to reasons that I couldn't comprehend.

I guess now I can,

And my eyes have opened,

I'm starting to understand,

For my reality is a token.

A token taken towards the twisted distance,

Of which I wished I'd never witnessed. 

I'm lying here under the new summers sun,

However in my hand I hold a loaded gun. 

I aim so gently at my right temple and squeeze.

I missed and ended up hitting the trees.

I would apologize for my impulsive decision,

But I won't because it wasn't what I had envisioned.

I'd wished, begged, for the bullet to pierce my brain,

But instead, it went through my tire swing. 

How did I miss? Isn't that the question we all want to ask. 

I'm not sure either, I just take a swig from my fathers flask.

They wouldn't approve of me drinking,

I'm only a teenager overthinking.

I'm scared of death but yet I'm anxious to greet,

The one who puts us all six feet beneath.