Where I'm From

Where I'm from, it's not one place.

And that lack of stability

Has at times ridden my face

Of the ability

To smile.

Houses, schools, and friends came and went like clouds in the sky

While I

Tried my best

To pass every emotional and academic test.

At the time, I lived in Cedar Crest

Apartments, room 204.

BANG BANG! There was a loud knock on my door.

My step dad was put into handcuffs while my mom had her hands tied

Trying to find a place for her three little girls to survive.

While this was going on, 

I had to decide

If this was the weekend I was going to spend with my dad or my mom.

I had to decide

With which parent I wanted to reside

With every holiday.

Christmas, New Year's, Easter, and Fourth of July always brought a tear to my eye

Because my mom or dad had been denier

A presence I could not supply.

And not a day goes by 

that I don't wish my sister didn't move away.

Two dads in two different places, 

But I guess one was better at saying his graces

Instead of watching NASCAR races.

Late at night, sometimes I sob and weep

For my mom, the sheep

Led by the wrong shepHerd.

I heard my muffled cries

As I asked why...

Why can't I be different? What's wrong with me?

Why was I never good enough to be

In a photo with my step dad's family? 

Anxiety and sadness became chains I could not break,

Could not shake

The feeling

Of being

Nothing.

Saying "I'm sorry" became a daily exercise.

My crunches were apologies

And push ups were feeling guilty

About everything.

You may call me the worst kid in the world, but my pride

Doesn't come from hurting a mother in front of her kids on a bedside.

The colors black and blue

Became all too

Familiar to those three girls.

It wasn't enough for my mom to choke on debt,

But also the threat

Of hands

That promised lands

Of love and support.

I wish I could save her, I feel so helpless.

Maybe that's why I do my best to be selfless.

The Little Mermaid

Surely saved

Me.

With songs of other worlds and under the sea.

Ariel's hair and super thin body

Reminded me

That I am somebody.

"Part of Your World" was symbolic to me

As a place with love and a happy family.

And some day,

That's where I want to be from.